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Who needs revenue when you have funding

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Intuitive Integration

With the click of a button, a team of your own engineers will do everything for you over a holiday weekend. Simple.

Seamless Setup and Use setup and daily use is completeley seamless, because the internet does not have seams. We are not a fabric manufacturer, nor do we intend to be.


We got circles just all over the place and we know you're gonna love it. If you've come for square profile pictures just go ahead and whip a u-turn right now.
The one your dad reads. No not the Economist
“Seriously not now, I'm eating with my family”
Tumblr, for dads
An online tech blog that also prints it out for some reason
Wired but with less gold medals
“Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:”
I don't really know tbh
“10 things this startup dabs to that'll make you sext 'Goals AF!'”
The car crash of People magazine and FWD email chains
Could not be reached for comment
Whatever Hulk Hogan wants it to be is Adaptable for Any Use


You can use for completely personal business, like a lawn care business with your son to mow lawns in your neighborhood, undercutting the sixth graders who don't know a thing about microeconomics.

Small Business

You can use for small businesses too, like when you noticed the creative ways the other boys in the neighborhood found to keep their business with customers you thought you had. Instead of working against them, you employed them, and your son no longer had to mow lawns himself, but simply managed the others.

Large Business

Your lawn care company has grown to hundreds of people. The other boys have grown into competent VPs, little Bobby (he's 6'2" now!) demonstrates a keen eye for marketing, and has helped grow the customer base by over 100% each year. Your son has taken over COO duties, while you remain CEO. You enjoy your lunches with him but they become more sparse. You're excited to see where he can expand the company to next.

Huuuuuge Business

You haven't talked to your son in months. You barely have time for each other and rare conver­sations you may share as you pass in the hallways feel forced. Listless fog eclipses your every thought. Weeks fade to months, months meld to years as your days tumble by, mere intermissions from the reprieve of night. You speak at industry conferences but feel nothing, words gasping for meaning as they squeeze their way out of your chapped lips. Alone, you gaze upon your behemoth of a corporation and wonder if it was all worth it.







This is a picture of a MacBook slightly hanging off the page.
Go ahead.
Pretend like you aren't impressed. is Trusted Worldwide by These Brands

Testimonials From Clients That Were Not Paid In Any Way

They were not paid in unmarked bills by our receptionist

They were not just random people on the street
“One of their lead engineers came to my school for an entire day and helped underprivileged students learn how to Google his net worth.”
Elizabeth Richardo
“I've never been more impressed by a startup than when talking with employees and one of them told me about Snapchat.”
Nadia Richardson
Financial Advisor
“I'm way behind on rent so I'll literally say anything you want me to.”
Jason Morgenstern
Grooming Salon Manager